For many children navigating parental separation, the emotional landscape can be disorienting and often isolating. Society, particularly in some cultures, has historically struggled to address these delicate family changes openly.
Circle Yuen, a Hong Kong-born author and illustrator now living in the UK, is aiming to change that conversation with her debut picture book, Our Dance: Living Apart, Time Together, published this month by Graffeg Books. It is the first UK picture book to explicitly introduce the concept of child contact centres – safe, neutral spaces where children can maintain relationships with parents they no longer live with.
Yuen’s inspiration for Our Dance stems directly from her own life. “Actually, it started about ten years ago. I had just gone through a divorce,” she told me during our interview. She recounted the significant cultural stigma she faced in Hong Kong: “Culturally, there’s this deep emphasis on family harmony, and divorce is often seen as disrupting that ideal.”
This societal pressure was palpable, even within her own family. “I remember after the separation, my grandmother said, ‘Why don’t the children just stay with you and cut off contact with the other parent?’ She believed that growing up between two homes would damage a child’s mental health. That was her view.”
As a young mother, grappling with her daughter’s longing for her father, Yuen felt unprepared. “My daughter was just a toddler, and she would ask, ‘Where’s Daddy? I miss him so much.’ As a young mother in an environment that didn’t really support this kind of family situation, I felt lost.” Her search for resources led her to translated books on child-focused co-parenting and, crucially, to public library picture books about divorce.
One book, Two of Everything by Babette Cole, proved transformative. (There are other books with similar titles, but this was the specific one that helped them.) “It helped us find a way to talk about our emotions through storytelling—things we couldn’t easily express otherwise,” she explained. “That was the turning point. I realised I could use creativity to process and transform my own experience.”
The Fight for Accessibility: Putting a Difficult Topic on Bookshop Shelves
Bringing such a sensitive topic to the commercial publishing world was an uphill battle. Yuen faced considerable resistance, receiving “hundreds of rejections” before Graffeg finally accepted Our Dance. Publishers often suggested that a book addressing such specific and challenging social issues might be better suited for government grants or charitable distribution, rather than commercial sale.
However, Yuen held a strong conviction that Our Dance needed to be widely available. “I really wanted this book to be in bookstores—not just handed out for free through grants,” she stated. She reasoned that free programmes often only reach those already connected to support services. “I wanted the book to be accessible in libraries, schools, and bookshops, where more people could come across it—especially those who might not otherwise seek help.
I thought that was crucial.” Her determination stemmed from a desire to normalise these discussions, making the book a tool for a broader public. Finding Graffeg, a publisher in Wales, was a turning point. “The publishing director saw my submission and said, ‘Let’s do it.’ That was a big moment for me—finally finding a proper publisher who believed in the project.”
A Collaborative Vision: Shaping the Story with Experts
The development of Our Dance was not a solitary endeavour. Yuen collaborated extensively with the National Association of Child Contact Centres (NACCC), a leading UK charity dedicated to supporting children affected by parental separation. This partnership began even before she secured a publisher, a bold move that speaks to her commitment to accuracy and relevance. She simply “walked into their office with [her] book.”
NACCC quickly recognised the book’s potential. While they had published informative books in the past, they noted Our Dance‘s unique emotional and tender approach. Their input was vital to the book’s development, including two online sessions where Yuen presented her work to the NACCC’s network of around 300 members. The feedback directly influenced the book’s accuracy and utility. “One social worker said he could imagine using the book with a child visiting a child contact centre for the first time. It would help explain the situation and provide some emotional comfort,”
NACCC’s involvement underscores the book’s practical importance. As Elizabeth Coe, CEO of the NACCC, highlights in the book’s accompanying materials, “Family breakdown can profoundly impact children and young people, often bringing trauma, heartbreak, and a deep sense of loss…” In the UK, over a million children lose contact with one of their parents following separation.” Our Dance aims to bridge this gap by providing a gentle, relatable introduction to the services that can help.
Finding the Right Language: Why Dance?
Translating the complexities of divorce and separation for a three-to-seven-year-old audience presented a significant challenge. “The biggest challenge was finding the right metaphor,” Yuen noted. Abstract terms like “separation” hold little meaning for young children, whose understanding is often rooted in feeling. “For young children, especially those who miss a parent who no longer lives with them, it’s more about feelings,” she explained. “Often, children don’t tell the parent they live with how much they miss the other one. They hide those feelings.”
Yuen’s solution was to use the metaphor of “dance.” This choice was deeply personal, stemming from her own co-parenting journey. “I reached out to my daughter’s father, and I also read a book on child-focused co-parenting. It talked about how co-parenting is like a dance—you learn how to move together again, but differently,” she shared. The idea of learning new movements and setting new boundaries in a structured yet evolving relationship resonated with her. This approach allowed her to illustrate the emotional absence and longing children experience in a way that is accessible and comforting. An example she gave from the book captures this perfectly: “In the book, there’s a part where the child says, ‘Hide daddy, under my pillow. And then we dance all night long.’ That spread captures a feeling that children can’t put into words. It’s about longing and imagination.”
Bridging Cultures: Universal Emotions, Specific Details
As a Hong Kong-born author and illustrator now based in the UK, Yuen brings a unique multicultural perspective to her work. This dual identity influenced subtle yet significant aspects of Our Dance. She considered the hair colour of the main character, ultimately deciding on black to reflect her own background and “make the character more like me, and truer to my own story.”
She reflected on the differences in expressing love across cultures. “For example, in Asian culture, expressions of love can be subtle. A parent might say, ‘I love you no matter whether we live together or apart’—which might sound strange or formal. But that’s how love is shown sometimes.” While the story is set in the UK with familiar UK buildings, Yuen sought to ensure that these “small details matter” and that the illustrations would be “understandable across cultures.” Her aim was to create a story that acknowledges cultural nuances while affirming the universality of core emotions like missing a non-resident parent.
A Daughter’s Approval: The Ultimate Validation
The most profound validation for Yuen came from her own daughter, now 14, whose early experiences with separation sparked the idea for the book. Yuen admitted to ongoing “emotional ups and downs” and hesitation about publishing such a personal story, concerned about how her ex-husband might feel.
However, her daughter provided the ultimate encouragement. “My daughter told me, ‘Mommy, if the purpose of this book is to do something good and meaningful, then go for it.” This mature and unwavering support was everything. “She’s so mature. That support meant everything to me, and it’s what gave me the courage to have public conversations like this,” Yuen shared. For children from Asian backgrounds experiencing family separation, Yuen hopes the book conveys a message of courage – “the courage to continue loving your child, no matter the circumstances.” It’s about the effort to stay connected, ensuring the child knows they are loved, even when life changes.
Our Dance is more than just a picture book; it is a gentle intervention in a conversation often avoided, offering a vital resource for children and families navigating one of life’s most challenging transitions. Its release this June will mark a quiet but significant step forward in children’s literature, one dance at a time.
For more information and support, visit the National Association of Child Contact Centres
“Our Dance: Living Apart, Time Together” by Circle Yuen is available now. You can purchase your copy directly from the publisher, Graffeg Books,
